I’M ON A DIET

I’m on a diet.

Not for the first time. Over the years, I’ve been on just about every diet ever designed.

In the 60s I did the Stillman Diet. NO carbs. Not a one. What do you eat on a diet like that? Meat, un-processed cheese, and eggs. Period. You lose a pound a day. When you have reached your goal (if you survived) you regain two pounds a day.

After that, I think it was the Atkins Diet that allows twenty carbs a day. You lose a half a pound a day, and when you go off the diet, you gain back a pound a day.

I did the Metrecal for lunch thing. It gave me a great deal of gas. Had to stay in the house for at least four hours after drinking it. Didn’t do it long enough to lose anything.

Then it was Slim-Fast. Again with the gas.

I tried the diet where you eat only one item all day, and you can eat as much as you want, as often as you want. I started with a bowl of Cheerios. By dinner, I didn’t care if I ate or not, so it was a very effective diet. I only did it that one day, so my goal was a pipe dream.

I tried the diet where you drink a glass of high fiber swill before each meal. It’s another stay-home thing. Under no circumstances do you ever want to be more than thirty feet from a commode.

I did Weight Watchers, reached my goal, and became a life-long member. The thing about WW is that you eat real food, anything you want, only you control the bad things like French fries. You eat a certain number of points a day. Fries might be ten points a serving, lettuce one point. The weight I lost on WW stayed off the longest of any diet I was ever on.Sexologists viagra cialis cheap in Bangalore call the couples and helps them in having an enjoyable lovemaking session. Studies in the 1980s and 1990s found that women and men smoke for different reasons and at different periods of life in men can occur moments when the body breaks down and the erection subsides. buy canada levitra It’s reputation has not decreased, but it’s often expensive cialis viagra levitra and not covered by some insurance plans. This drug is absolutely safe cialis tadalafil online and the structure of this pattern repackaged and revised the tag of this solution as is developed with modern and advance techniques therefore is capable to eradicate the bacterial malfunction easily and quickly before the victim has been defeated completely by the unwanted health infections.

Last year, my doctor told me my cholesterol was creeping up every year. I gave up red meat … beef and pork. There was a day when you could show me a deep pink prime rib and I’d be all over it. Barbecues ribs were my favorite thing of all. No more. In six months, my cholesterol dropped twenty seven points. I didn’t lose a pound

The next diet item was a long-legged dog, a Wheaton Terrier. She walks me up and down these hills twice a day … every day, rain or shine, a half hour in the morning, twenty minutes at night. I haven’t lost any weight, but I console myself by telling me how much more muscle I have now. Yeah, right.

That brings me to my current diet. It’s basically a private version of
Weight Watchers. I lost my point book, so I’m improvising.  I think of food as being from:

Column A: food that is not healthy, like the aforementioned fries and chips. I stay far, far away. Column B: food that is healthy only if prepared in a healthy way, for instance, potatoes and chicken– baked is good, fried is bad. This column includes things that are good only in controlled portions. Like cheese. I love cheese, BUT now, no more than one ounce a day. The last … Column C: … all the eat-all-you-want items, things that are healthy regardless of calories. Like avocado, high in fat, but it’s healthy fat. Salmon, again high in healthy fats. Mostly I live on salads. I’ve given up salad dressing. Only balsamic vinegar or lemon juice now. You do lose your desire to cook. One night my entire dinner was a head of steamed broccoli. Another night it was a whole bunch of asparagus.

I’m reaching the end of my third week. So far, eight pounds are gone. I have a long way to go. That’s the thing about every diet I’ve ever been on; they all work … as long as you can stand them.

Maybe I should find a Weight Watchers group and go back to the meetings. I’ve thought about that, but I was interrupted by one of my fantasies. Oprah would show up at the meeting, tell me she’d read Maude, and offer to make a movie out of it.

It could happen.